Postpartum Surprises

When we are expecting a baby, we often have some idea of what caring for and raising that baby is going to be like. Rarely are our expectations fully met. So many women across the country and probably the world are surprised at what happens after the birth they prepared so diligently for.

They are surprised by their bodies.

They are surprised by how little sleep one truly gets.

They are surprised by the things that newborns do.

They are surprised at how difficult breastfeeding can be

and so many more.

I want to go through a few common surprises that women experience during their postpartum period as a way to hopefully prepare you! If this post speaks to you and you have anything you want me to expand on, please leave a comment or reach out to me on FB or Instagram. I am always looking for more things to write about.

1. What the boobs?!

Yep! Those are yours. Growing and changing breasts are par for the course in pregnancy and most women have heard or expect this. What many don't expect is that once your milk "comes in" they grow much more, become very hard and sore. Once you feed, they soften, after several weeks, your milk starts to regulate and then they worry about supply because they don't feel full all the time. Your breasts, along with your milk, change hourly, daily, monthly. So let's break this down a bit.

Initially, you have colostrum. This is a sticky yellow looking substance that is a very concentrated milk. It is everything your baby needs. You don't need to top up or supplement. Your baby is only going to take about a teaspoon per feed for a couple days. Feeding often is what tells your body to open the flood gates for this milk to change and become more like the milk we think of. At this point, all of your hormones are working together to create as much milk as possible so it is often too much in the early days but don't worry. This will even out later on as your body adjusts to your baby's needs. Keep removing the milk and expressing to stay comfortable and to prevent clogged ducts and mastitis. The best rule to follow after that to know if your baby is getting enough is if they are peeing/pooping, and gaining weight. There is so much more that I could get into but my number 1 tip for new breastfeeders is join a support group!! This can make the difference in succeeding in your goals and giving up before you are ready.

2. Why am I still contracting?

This threw me for a loop! I was thinking "I already had the baby, why do I still feel like I'm in labour?!"

As much as we would like it to, our uterus doesn't shrink down immediately after birth. No "snapping back" when it comes to our uterus. It takes time and oxytocin (is there anything this hormone can't do?!). The oxytocin causes our uterus to contract in labour and after birth to help it go back to it's original size. Breastfeeding, kissing, bonding, etc. all help release that oxytocin. It can be painful but it is completely normal and is a good thing to have happen. It will pass fairly quickly. Fair warning though, it tends to get worse after each subsequent child.

3. My back!

Back pain in pregnancy is well known and expected. After birth, the joints are still quite loose for a while because of the relaxin hormone. Add to that your core muscles have been stretched and separated, you no longer have all the extra weight from baby, fluid, and placenta so your center of gravity is changed very suddenly. Your back is having to work really hard to hold you upright.

What can you do about it? Focus on how you hold yourself and your baby, concentrate on gently engaging your core and pelvic floor to create proper support so all the work doesn't fall to your back. Square your hips, drop your shoulders down and back. Avoid the sway back where you push your hips forward. Massage for sore muscles and pelvic floor physiotherapy to encourage proper rehabilitation of your pelvic floor are so helpful too.

4. I can't keep my baby awake while nursing.

Newborns are so sleepy. They put in a lot of work to be born, they are new to this world, you are their safe and happy place. They are so safe, warm, comforted, and loved in your arms, they drift right off to sleep. So sweet......and so frustrating when you are trying to feed them! Amiright? Yeah.

What can you do to make sure they are getting enough milk? Don't miss the early feeding cues (literally any twitch, rapid eye movement, barely starting to stir). Once you see this cues, you can get yourself what you need, where you need to be and get yourself comfortable and ready to feed. By the time you are ready, baby will be too. If they fall right back to sleep, you can undress them, give them a little burp, change their diaper, lay them down for just a moment to wake them up again. For one of my kiddos, I had to keep a wet wipe near to wipe their belly to get them to wake back up. That's how sleepy they can be. While feeding, you can do breast compressions to encourage more milk per suckle to flow and massaging your breasts can help prime them for your feed so baby is maximizing the amount of milk they get for the time they are on the breast.

Now, that being said, it is so important that you know the difference between a sleepy baby and a baby not getting enough and is lethargic. If a baby is not getting enough, they won't poop as much as they should be, they will not gain weight, and they may not reach full alertness, they may become jaundiced. You need to make sure they get to their doctor if those things are happening. If you simply have a sleepy baby, they will still wake, cry well, poop lots, and will manage to have good feeds even if they take more effort on your part to happen. The sleepy newborn phase passes relatively quickly though it may not feel like it when you are in the thick of it.

Lastly, you know your baby best. If there is ever concern, reach out to your doctor or midwife. They are there to help.

5. Will I ever sleep again?

Yes, someday. The lack of sleep is daunting and you discover a new side of yourself that you may not like. Know that every child is different, your baby may not sleep through the night for a long time. They may naturally do it at a few months old. Neither is better than another, they just are who they are. I know that isn't very comforting when you are in the middle of it.

My personal experiences varied. One of my kids slept by herself from day one. She was happy that way. She put herself to sleep and slept all night by 3 months (I call her my unicorn). My youngest however is a year and a half and still wakes through the night.

Try to make sure you have a good support system. If they cant be there to help in the night, see if they can come during the day to help you and let you have a nap, a shower, a walk, whatever you need to recharge and be able to face the rest of your day and night with fragmented sleep.

6. I didn't know I would bleed THIS much. (this section is fairly graphic, be warned)

Many say that the post partum bleeding is like a heavy period. Well, maybe that is true for some but I was shocked by how much I bled those first few days postpartum. looked like a crime scene every time I went to the washroom! The clots were the size of toonies, the changing of and leaking pads, the gushing every time I stood up, and I was regularly having to clean blood from my toilet seat and washroom floor. I was sorely unprepared. All was right and good though. This level of bleeding only lasts a few days if all is well. If this level of bleeding lasts longer than that, you should be getting checked out to make sure there is no retained placenta.

For my fourth birth, I was recommended to use depends (yes, adult diapers) instead of just using the super overnight pads. I'm telling you, it changed my postpartum experience completely. my bleeding was the same but I wasn't leaking anymore, I didn't accidentally drop the gross bloody pad on the floor in my washroom, I wasn't paranoid at every gush. At first, I put a pad in the depend and then would swap that a couple times, then just use the depend before changing it after my shower everyday so that I didn't go through so many of them (they can be pricey!). After the worst of the bleeding was over, and it really was more like a heavy period, I swapped to regular pads for the remaining 4-5 weeks of bleeding.

7. I don't even recognize my body anymore.

Lastly, I want to talk about our ever changing bodies. I think this can be one of the hardest things for a woman to accept and I am not going to pretend like I didn't struggle with my body after my babies (I have a history of disordered eating and body image struggles). We live in a society and a culture where a woman's body is her most valuable asset. This is simply wrong. We are so much more than our bodies and being preoccupied with our bodies leads to damage in our minds and often to those precious bodies that we have been entrusted with to care for.

Your body will change. This is OK! This is good! If it didn't change, it wouldn't have been able to help create, sustain, and birth that beautiful baby. You have a new body now. You get to re-explore, re-learn, and adjust to this new body the same way you get to explore, learn and adjust to being a mom. It has taken me 5 babies and lots of prayer, education, reading and surrounding myself with body positive platforms to learn and accept that my "mom-bod" is awesome. I have a soft, poochie tummy that my kids love. They know that is where they grew and came from. I now love it too! It is evidence of that love, strength, and resilience to carry and birth those 5 babies. I still get caught up sometimes. It is a journey that I am still on.

What can you do if you are struggling? Get help if you need it. If you cannot seem to see past the changes and are in despair, please get help from a professional. If you find yourself in the cycle of comparison to insta-models and social media elites, unfollow them. Find some body positive accounts of women that love their body and are making it their mission to help you love yours too. Remember that your children truly don't care. You are their beautiful mother and they love you unconditionally as you do them. They just want you to be involved. They don't think about your bikini body or the fact that your legs and belly jiggle when you run. They care about the quality time you spend with them. Shut down comments about your body if necessary. There is no shame in those boundaries. If they eat at you, remind them that you just had a baby and those comments don't help in your recovery. I made a point to avoid the people I knew couldn't keep it to themselves until I was able to let the comments go. Alternatively, if you don't have the strength, energy, or desire to stand up for yourself, have your partner do it. They can come right along with you and say you are the most powerful person they know and you are beautiful for it! Because it is true.

My hope and prayer for you is that you can see how precious your body is as is the life it brought forth. It was made in the image of God and He designed you to change and mold to bring more life into this world. None of us are anywhere near perfect (physically and personally) but the good news is that we don't have to be. We are so loved anyway.